


Sisters are Forever

by kuro_inu



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/F, Incest, Sibling Incest, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere, as needed, ill add other tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25733404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro_inu/pseuds/kuro_inu
Summary: Ako loves Tomoe. Ako would do anything for Tomoe. Ako would even
Relationships: Udagawa Ako/Udagawa Tomoe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

“Hello there. Are you Ako?” 

“Mmhm.”

_“Shrimpy little man, he seems nice, but you never know, he is here to judge you.”_

“My name is Dr. Shakujii Koun, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Ako.”

“Yeah. You too.”

_“Not a very strong handshake. Maybe it’s cuz he’s a frail old man. Or maybe it’s cuz he’s pretending to be weak. Humans like to play pretend.”_

“So, before we get started, I’m just going to let you know that everything we talk about here is confidential. What you say to me will not be disclosed to anyone unless I feel you’re going to be a danger to yourself or others, or if I suspect child abuse. Then I have to report that to the police.”

“Mhm.”

_“Still shouldn’t talk too much.”_

“Great, now that that’s out of the way, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?”

“ _That’s a little...forward…”_

“Maybe it would be better if I told you a little bit about myself first. I got my master’s degree in psychology, I have a wife and three kids-”

“ _Aaaaand this is where we doze off, what’s Tomoe doing right now, probably off with her stupid friends, hey I promised mom and dad I would at least try this counseling thing, you never know who you can and can’t trust, and that INCLUDES this guy.”_

“So, now that I’ve told you about myself, will you tell me a little bit about yourself?” 

_“A compromise. I guess that’s fair.”_

“Well...um...I’m in high school...I have a big sister, she’s really cool, her name is Tomoe, I play the drums just like her.”

“You play drums?”

“Y-yeah…I’m in a band.”

“Really? That’s so neat! What kind of band is it?”

“It’s like a rock band, sort of, my best friend Rin-Rin is the pianist, and Yukina and Sayo are so cool but also really scary sometimes, Lisa is super nice though, we're called Roselia.”

“ _STOP!!! You’re opening up too much! What are you thinking??”_

“Do you enjoy music?”

“Yeah. My sister’s in a band too.”

“Your sister Tomoe, right?”

_“He remembered her name…”_

“Yeah…she’s so cool. Everyone likes her. The grownups in town talk to her like she’s one of them. She has so many friends.”

“It sounds like you love your sister very much.”

_“This guy doesn’t seem too bad, he seems kind of nice actually. Wait no, don’t let your guard down! This is what I was afraid of.”_

“Can I tell you something and can you promise not to judge me?”

_“He did say everything was confidential, and I promised mom and dad I would at least try.”_

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Okay...I don’t like Tomoe’s friends. The ones she’s in a band with? Even though I’ve known them all since I was really little. They were all so nice to me when I was growing up, well Ran was a little scary sometimes, but I don’t know why I don’t like them anymore. You know what, I don’t think I ever did.” 

_“This is taking a huge weight off. Wait what am I saying??”_

“Do you think maybe, correct me if I’m wrong, you might be a little jealous that they share Tomoe’s affection?”

_“They share Tomoe’s affection...fucking knew I shouldn’t have said anything...I’m not ‘jealous’...”_

“I’m not jealous. I don’t want them to take Tomoe away.”

“Hmm...tell me what you mean by taking Tomoe away.”

“Forget it. Forget I said anything.”

“Okay, we can drop this subject if you’re uncomfortable. But I want you to know you can talk about anything in here with no repercussions.”

_“Oh my God he’s reaching for the tissue box oh god oh fuck no don’t take it!!”_

“I’m scared…”

“What are you scared of?”

“Every day I’m so fucking terrified of Tomoe just...going away. Leaving me behind. For someone better. Someone cooler. And mom and dad say that sisters share a bond forever but I know in my heart that one day...sorry…”

“That must be really hard for you. Being afraid of losing someone you love.”

_“What would he know?”_

“How do you deal with that stress? Do you feel you're coping with it healthily?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, let’s work on that, then.”

~~~

“How was it? Was he nice?”

“Yeah.”

_“You let your guard down.”_

“I’m really proud of you, Ako.”

“Where’s Tomoe?”

“She’s at Himari’s house. I think she’ll be back tomorrow.” 

_“Stupid stupid stupid d-I’ll see if Rin-Rin’s busy. Maybe it’ll be a good idea to listen to the doctor. Maybe this is for the best. I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”_

_  
~~~  
  
_

**Tomoe POV**

“Open your mouth, Ran, say ahh~”

“Moca, stop! My mouth is full!”

“That’s what she said.”

“God DAMN it Himari!”

I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. My cheeks hurt from smiling. It’s been a while since all five of us were able to hang out together for fun. These days it’s been all rehearsals, except that one week where I got really sick. Ako had to take care of me. 

Ako had her first therapy session today. I’m probably gonna get a bomb of texts soon about it. 

“Hey hey Tomoe, don’t you want any?” Moca asks, tapping my arm with a half eaten sweet bun. 

“You don’t wanna save room for dinner?” I ask.

“This _is_ Moca’s dinner,” Ran remarks. 

“Better than Ako’s diet of chips and candy,” I tell her. 

“How _is_ Ako doing?” asks Himari. “Is she like...okay?”

A tense silence fills the room, broken only by Moca’s loud chewing.

“Yeah. She’s fine,” I tell them. “Hey Tsugu, did _she_ stop by today?”

“Wh-who’s she?” Tsugumi asks, her face reddening. Devilish grins stretch across Moca’s and Himari’s faces.

“Did you _speak_ to her today?” Ran asks, rolling her eyes. “You’re not exactly strangers.”

“Yeah! I did, actually!”

“What did you say? ‘Oh hello, what can I get for you?’”

I check my phone. No texts. Huh. Ako doesn’t just _not text_ me. 

I feel a weird twinge in my chest. I feel lonely. But I’m with all of my best friends, so I don’t know how that’s possible.

“Everything okay, Tomoe?” Ran asks. 

“Yeah, it’s just Ako hasn’t been texting me. Usually I get tons of messages when she’s done doing something but I got nothing.”

“Maybe she’s not done yet,” says Himari, shrugging.

“Maybe you should take advantage of your phone battery while you still can.”

“MOCA!”

I turn on my phone again. I don’t know what I was expecting, I didn’t feel any buzzes. 

“Wait guys! Ako’s in Roselia!” Himari says. 

“Yeah, and?” 

“ _With Sayo._ ”

Tsugumi begins to visibly shake. “Guys, I don’t like where this is going-“

“GROUP REHEARSAL GROUP REHEARSAL!!”

“That Yukina Minato girl would never agree to something like that, we might as well just tell her we wanna set Tsugu and Sayo up.”

“YOU GUYS WANNA WHAAAAT???”

I text Ako. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to. “Hey, let me know how your appointment went,” I type. She’ll see it and respond when she’s done. She’s never straight up ignored a text from me before. 

Has she? 

All of my life, Ako was by my side. She’d always tag along with me and my friends. She was my embarrassing little sister, but we still loved her. 

But then _it_ happened and now she has to see a therapist and mom and dad are afraid. They’re afraid of _us_. I don’t know.

My phone buzzes. An immediate response. I feel a little better. 

“Hey! It was good, he was nice. Hope you’re having fun at Himari’s! ^_^”

I feel a little unsettled. She’s being…distant. Is this because of the therapist? Did he tell her to not text me because it would make her “better” or something? I’m her sister. Sisters are forever.

I don’t like this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Rinko POV**

“Alright. We are gathered here today to discuss-“

“Too formal.” Lisa shakes her head disapprovingly at the board stiff Yukina.

“This is a serious meeting,” says the equally stiff Sayo. “It’s highly likely this will not be a rehearsal.”

“Still though, we’re all friends here. And it’s more important to be supportive than serious right now.” 

Lisa places her hand on my shoulder. I manage a smile. 

“Okay. Sorry. I’ll try.” Yukina’s eyes soften. “So, we need to talk about-”

“Finding another drummer,” says Sayo.

I shake my head. Lisa sighs. 

“We cannot have a band member who physically assaults people. That’s not good for our image.”

“It won’t happen again,” I tell her. 

“How do you know that, Shirokane?”

“Because I know Ako.” My voice shakes.

“So you knew she was going to attack Yamabuki?”

“Sayo, enough,” Lisa says. “This isn’t what we came here to do.”

“She was hurting. She didn’t do it on purpose.” I clench my fists. 

“Shirokane, one doesn’t accidentally knock someone to the ground, pin them down, and-”

Yukina speaks. “That’s not necessary. Udagawa is solely responsible for her own actions at all times. She was fully aware of what she was doing, and what effect it would have on the reputation of the band, and did it anyway. That is what we are here to talk about.”

“I’m telling you guys, she DIDN’T!” Why won’t they listen?? “Sometimes she doesn’t think! Sometimes she just _feels_ , and just gives into that! I don’t understand it, but that’s how she works! And yeah, what she did was awful and she should understand that but we should be thinking about her feelings too. We should be thinking about how to support her as her friends.”

“We’re not-”

“Yes. You are. We all are,” says Lisa. “Abandoning our band mates and friends when they need us most? _That_ isn’t very good for our image.”

Yukina nods. Lisa always seems to get through to her. 

Sayo says, “Emotional support is not my area of expertise. Music is. Shirokane, I think you have the lead for this project.”

“M-me?” I don’t know what she’s talking about. 

“I think she means you know Ako best,” Lisa says. “So you can help us.” 

I smile. “Thanks, guys.”

~~~

Later that night, I get a pop up message. “Hey Rin Rin you busy?????” 

It looks like Ako wants to play a game. I can play a couple. 

She has voice chat on. I turn mine on.

“AND KA-WAM! KABOOM! TAKE THAT!”

I immediately turn down my volume as Ako’s screeches fill my room. 

“AHH RIN RIN HELP!!! XX DIAPER FETISH XX IS GONNA KILL ME!!”

I have to save her ass _again_. With one click, I obliterate the guy who was shooting Ako’s character. 

“How are you so good at this game??”

“I think you just suck,” I tell her. 

A message pops up. 

“Oh hey, I just got a message from diaper fetish guy,” I tell Ako.

“What does it say??”

“‘Faggot I fucked your mom.’ What a sore loser.”

“Can I tell him that?!”

“Even though he almost killed you?! I mean do what you want I guess.”

“Tomoe’s at Himari’s house.”

I _thought_ she seemed cranky. I don’t know what to say.

“Uh oh, there’s more guys,” I say, bringing conversation back to the game. 

“I’m going right for diaper fetish guy-oh god DAMN IT!!” 

“Did you die?”

“Yeah. I’m signing off.”

“What, you’re gonna let ex ex diaper fetish ex ex defeat you? I thought you were the demon lord, ruler of chaos.”

Ako doesn’t say anything. Did she actually sign off? 

Eh, I might as well sign off too.

“YOU’RE RIGHT!!!” A guttural roar comes out of my speakers, making me jump. “No one can defeat me! Especially not some mere _human_! Time to kick some ASS-” Her character dies. 

_Demon_princess_ako is offline._

Shit. 

I got carried away. 

I slam my laptop shut, grab my phone and call Ako. Please answer please answer please answer...

“I’m a failure,” she says, her voice breaking. 

“No you’re not,” I tell her.

“What kind of demon am I if I can’t even beat a human at a computer game?”

“Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses,” I tell her. “You’re really good at drums.”

“Tomoe is better.”

“You’re the best for Roselia.”

“Yukina doesn’t think so.”

“Then why hasn’t she kicked you out yet?”

“She’s just playing nice. Humans like to play pretend.”

“Yukina doesn’t play those kinds of games. Yukina wouldn’t pretend to be nice if she thought someone sucked at music, we know that, right?”

Ako snorts into the phone. “She would say, ‘you suck. Next?’”

I think of Yukina’s stern face, and chuckle.

“What are you going to do with the rest of your night?” I ask her. 

“Umm...well there’s probably no point in waiting for Tomoe to come back because mom said she was probably spending the night. And I can’t play games cuz I suck. I might just take a bath and go to bed.”

“I hope you feel better.” I don’t know what else to say. 

Sayo is wrong. I don’t always know how to support Ako. I make mistakes all the time. But I’ll try my damndest to do what I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ako POV**

I’ve known I was special for a long time. I can feel these sensations that I’ve given up on trying to explain because nobody understands. It’s always there with me, I can hear it and sometimes even taste it at the back of my throat. It’s an energy that only I feel. It only makes sense that I have magical powers. But I don’t know how to control them. 

_“Pathetic. She’s pathetic.”_

My phone buzzes loudly against the bathroom counter. I shriek in surprise, splashing the water out of the bathtub a little bit.

_“Pathetic. Useless. Burden.”_

I grab my phone from the counter. 

_“She takes her phone. She turns it on. A message from Tomoe! Tomoe is beautiful and kind, you don’t deserve her-“_

“Shut UP!” I splash the water. She gets so loud when it’s too quiet. 

“You okay, Ako?” Mom asks outside the door.

“Yeah,” I tell her. I don’t want my mom coming in here when I’m naked. 

“I’m gonna see what the message from Tomoe says,” I whisper to myself. The more I talk, the less I can hear _her._

The message says, “hey, is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you very much tonight.”

Oh no, what have I done?? The doctor was wrong. I need her. She needs me. Sisters are forever. 

Another message appears, and my heart drops.

“Maybe I should leave you alone for now lol”

_“Maybe I should leave you, she says.”_

I drain the water and grab a towel. I have to fix this. The doctor was wrong. 

“No.” Send.

“Wait.” Send.

“I’m sorry.” Send.

“I was playing games with Rin Rin” Send.

“Didn’t see the message” Send.

Tomoe responds. “Lol don’t go all crazy on me! I was just joking :)”

“She was just joking,” I say out loud. “Humans like to play pretend.”

“Ako?” Mom knocks on the door. “Can I come in?”

“No!” I shout. “Go away! I’m naked!”

“I won’t look at you, okay? I just wanna talk.”

I wrap the towel tightly around myself. “Fine.”

Mom opens the door. “What’s the matter? You keep yelling.”

“I’m fine, really. I was just playing with Rin Rin and I lost and I was super cranky about it.”

“Is that all? Normally you don’t get this upset over computer games.”

_“Don’t let your guard down. She’s the reason you’re seeing a doctor. She thinks you’re CRAZY just like Tomoe.”_

“Yeah I’m fine. Get out, I need to get dressed.”

The doctor was wrong. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Tomoe POV**

It’s nice going to the same school with Ako. We can walk there together. Sometimes she still holds my hand like we’re little kids again. It makes my heart flutter. 

It’s still fairly early, so people are just trickling in. I see Himari standing nearby with a short-haired girl I’ve never seen before. They're holding some kind of fliers and talking excitedly. Just as I’m about to go say hi, someone else saunters over. The girls immediately clutch each other, dropping the fliers.

“Oh my God. Hold on, Ako, I gotta go deal with this.” I speed walk over. 

Kaoru Seta, the alleged “hottest girl in school,” picks up a flyer that Himari dropped. 

“Kaoru Seta fan club, huh?” she purrs. “I didn’t know I had a fan club. How fleeting~”

“Leave them alone, Kaoru,” I scold, smacking her upside the head. 

“But they’re my fans,” Kaoru says. “You know Tomoe, you would probably have a fan club too if you weren’t…” 

“If Tomoe was a boy, I would be in love with her!” Himari pipes up. 

“How adorable, maybe you do have fans after all. Hey Tomoe, I was hoping to talk to you, actually-is this your  _ sister? _ ”

Ako came with me? I look behind me to see Ako looking down at the floor, her face red as bricks. 

“You didn’t know Tomoe had a little sister?” Himari asks. 

“I knew about her, but I didn’t know she was so  _ cute _ ! She’s shy, isn’t she?”

Ako takes two steps back. 

“Wanna be in the fan club, Ako?” Himari asks. Ako doesn’t say anything.

“What did you want to talk to me about, Kaoru?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Ah, yes. I wrote a play. A musical, to be precise. I’d like you to be in it.” 

“Do I have a choice?” I ask. I’ve never really acted before. 

“Please, Tomoe? We’re the two most popular girls at school, if we were the two leads in a musical, it would make the crowd wild! I know my fan club would love it.” Kaoru nods in Himari’s direction.

“What part would I play?” I ask.

“A prince.”

Himari gasps loudly. 

“Hmm. That’s funny, usually you’re the prince,” I say. “What are you gonna be?”

“I’m a prince as well. We’re two princes from rival kingdoms that end up falling in love instead. A la Romeo and Juliet.”

Himari and her friend both gasp. Ako comes back to my side and grips my hand tightly. She’s jealous. I feel thrilled. She’s jealous.

“I’ll do it,” I tell Kaoru. “On one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

“My sister’s in a band. I want them to play the music.”

“WHAAAAT?” Ako shrieks. “We have to ask Yukina! And she’ll probably say no because she says no to everything!”

“Ask Yukina what?” says a voice. A pretty brunette girl appears at Ako’s side with a stern looking silver haired girl in tow. I think I recognize them.

“Are you two members of Roselia?” I ask.

“We are,” says the silver haired girl, narrowing her eyes. “And you are…?”

“Tomoe Udagawa. I’m Ako’s sister. Huge fan,” I hold out my hand. The silver haired girl ignores it.

“I’m Lisa! This is Yukina,” the brunette girl, Lisa, says, shaking my hand.

“Um, so would you guys be interested in playing for our school musical?”

“No,” says Yukina with no hesitation. “We don’t  _ do _ school performances. We’re professional.”

“Ah, little kitten, it’s not just a school performance,” says Kaoru, approaching Yukina. “There will be professional actors.”

“Like who?” Yukina asks, taking a step back.

“Well, Tomoe and I-“

“I’m not-“

“SHHH!” Kaoru violently covers my mouth. “Tomoe and I will put on a brilliant show for everyone and being a part of it will do wonders for your image.”

“Minato-San, Imai-San, Udagawa-San, are we having a meeting?” A girl with long, teal hair approaches the growing crowd. 

“Sayo? What are you doing here?” Lisa asks.

“Hina forgot her lunch again. Is something going on?”

“Seta-San wants Roselia to play for the school play. As if,” Yukina says. The Sayo girl wrinkles her nose.

These girls are...kinda bitchy. Are they really who Ako hangs out with?

“Hey guys, not to be the devil’s advocate here, but I think it might be kind of fun to step out of our comfort zone,” Lisa says. “I mean, our theatre program’s pretty top notch anyway. I don’t understand where all the hate’s coming from.”

“AND my sister’s gonna be in it,” Ako pipes up. “Can we at least just ask Rin Rin what she thinks?

“Shirokane and Hikawa don’t even go here,” says Yukina.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be a part of it,” says Lisa. “Our schools are just a block apart, Rinko and Sayo could make it here in no time.”

“Lisa, I already said no. And I think Hikawa-San feels the same way.”

“Tomoe,” Kaoru whispers, clenching her teeth. “Will you really not help me if these guys don’t play?”

“No, I’ll help you. I didn’t know these guys were such jerks.” I don’t know if I want Ako even hanging out with these guys anymore. Rinko was decent, but not them.

Kaoru talks to herself. “Well, Chisato’s band was looking for some gigs. What were they called, Pastel Palettes?”

“Pastel Palettes is a shallow group merely pretending to play music while capitalizing on their image as idols,” Sayo says to us. Yukina and Lisa were leaving, but turned around at Sayo’s words.

“Isn’t that a little harsh?” I ask.

“Nothing wrong with idols, after all,” says Kaoru. 

“If you want your performance to be successful, you don’t just go hiring whatever agency formed talentless trash you can find.” Sayo whips out a small card from her pocket and hands it to Kaoru. “Maybe you could consider some real talent instead?”

“Roselia,” Kaoru reads. “Whoa, you guys have a business card and everything? I mean, how fleeting.”

“We’re professional, after all,” says Sayo. 

“Hikawa San, what did you do?” Yukina asks. 

“We’re playing in the musical. I think it will be good for our image. It’s good for a local band to participate in community events.”

“That doesn’t sound like you at all,” Yukina says, very unhappy.

“I like it!” Lisa says. “I like this new attitude, Sayo!”

“So does that mean we’re playing in the musical?” Ako asks.

“Looks like it,” I tell her. 

“I assume you have sheet music to give us?” Yukina asks Kaoru. “We’d like to start practicing as soon as possible.”

“You mean the song lyrics?” Kaoru asks. “Tomoe and I would be singing those…”

“I understand that. Where is the music  _ we _ will be playing?”

“You mean the background music? I thought you guys could just...wing it. Musicians do that, right?”

Yukina’s fists clench. “No. Our band doesn’t ‘wing it.’ We need sheet music to play off of. Are you telling me you don’t have any?” 

“No, I do! I just...someone else has them. I gotta go make a phone call real quick.”

“She doesn’t have any music, does she?” Yukina asks me.

“I don’t know! I was asked to do this today!” 

“Damn it Hikawa, what were you thinking?” Yukina rounds on Sayo. 

Sayo seems to have lost her composure. “I don’t know, it’s complicated, I’m sorry.” 

“We can get this figured out, okay?” Lisa says, putting her arms around both Yukina and Sayo. 

Kaoru shuffles back to us with her head down. “I got yelled at,” she says. 

“Serves you right,” I tell her.

“You don’t even know what happened!”

“Okay, then tell us what happened.”

“Well,” Kaoru gives a sideways glance to the Roselia girls and leans in towards me. “I tried to get my songwriters to write some music but they didn’t want to.”

“So you don’t have any music for them?” I ask.

“Well...I just thought the band could write the music-“

I feel my eyes roll. “Kaoru doesn’t have music for you guys,” I tell Yukina.

“Well, you wanted us to write the music ourselves, right?” Sayo asks. 

“We shouldn’t have to do that,” Yukina says. “I’d think you of all people would agree with me.”

“Minato-San,” Sayo says. “I think writing our own music for a set of lyrics would be good for developing our songwriting skills.”

“Why are you so insistent on doing this?” asks Yukina. 

“Let me text Rin-Rin and ask what she thinks!” says Ako, getting out her phone. 

“We’re not doing it!” Yukina snaps.

“Why? Everyone else seems to want to,” says Lisa. 

“It’s 7:55, I need to give Hina her lunch and get outta here,” Sayo dashes towards the student council room.

“Think about it, okay?” Lisa asks Yukina. 

“Fine.”

Kaoru and I look at each other. I give her a thumbs up. Ako didn’t see, though.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ako POV**

  
Tomoe wants to come to my next therapy appointment. I don’t mind. It’ll just bring us even closer together.

The doctor seems to mind though. “I’m sorry,” he says to Tomoe. “But I only see one child per family. It’s a conflict of interest otherwise.”

“Oh, I’m not here for therapy,” Tomoe says, putting up her hands. “I’m here to support Ako.”

“Well, you’ll have to wait outside,” the doctor says. “For confidentiality reasons.”

“Why?” Tomoe asks. “I’m family.”

“Only a legal guardian can be present at the session. Those are the rules.” 

_“He’s trying to split you up.”_

“Alright,” Tomoe says. “Ako, I’ll be here when you get out.”

“Okay.” A little disappointed, I follow the doctor into his office. 

“How was your week, Ako?” he asks, as we sit down.

“Fine,” I tell him, not making eye contact. 

“Are you upset with me?” he asks. 

_“Lie.”_

“No.”

“It’s okay if you are. But I have to follow procedures, okay?”

I nod. I forgot how soothing his voice is. I start to relax, then _she_ starts up.

_“This is how they get you to talk you idiot they pretend to be a safe space and then when you tell them all your secrets they call the police and put you in the crazy house!”_

“Did you do what we talked about last week?” the doctor asks. 

“Yeah. I called Rin-Rin and we played some video games.” 

_“Don’t tell him about your powers.”_

“What kind of games do you like to play?” the doctor asks.

“Well, there’s this one called Neo Fantasy. Rin-Rin and I play it together online. I’m really bad at it.”

The doctor chuckles. 

_“He’s laughing at you.”_

“How do you play?” he asks. “Is it, do you shoot the other characters with magic spells or…”

Why is he so interested in my game? “Well, you make your own character, and you can play with other people on the internet.” I guess that didn’t really answer his question. “It’s a fantasy RPG.” 

“I can tell it’s something you enjoy a lot.”

Excitement bubbles up in my chest just thinking about it. “I feel like I’m...really _me_ when I play it, you know? Like, I don’t have to pretend to be human anymore-” _SHIT!_ I keep my mouth in a tight line so I don’t talk anymore. 

“Ako,” the doctor says. “Do you feel as though the world in the game is real?”

“No,” I say. “I’m not _crazy_.”

“Tell me more about what you mean by ‘pretending to be human.’”

“No. You think I’m crazy. You’re gonna call the police and put me in an insane asylum.”

“I would never do that unless you were harming yourself or others. You haven’t shown any signs that you’re going to do that.”

_She’s_ talking so fast and so loud I can’t even hear myself think. I don’t even understand what she’s saying.

“Ako, this is a safe space.”

_“YEAH RIGHT.”_

“If I was going to call the police, I would tell you. You have nothing to be afraid of.”

I don’t say anything. She doesn’t, either.

“I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.” he says.

_“Pathetic. Useless. Burden.”_

I talk just to shut her up. “Yeah. It’s true. I’m not human.”

The doctor doesn’t say anything. He’s waiting for more details.

“I have special powers,” I say. “Like...I feel this energy, but I just don’t know how to release it yet. I might be a demon, a fallen angel or something, I don’t know.” 

“Do you see or hear things that other people don’t?” the doctor asks. 

_“LIE. HE THINKS YOU’RE CRAZY.”_

“Her,” I say. 

“Who is that?” the doctor asks.

“I don’t know. She’s always kind of been there, like the energy. She talks to me. When I was a little kid, it was like having an invisible friend. But now she’s mean. She calls me mean names and says everybody wants to hurt me.”

“That must be hard for you. I’m so sorry.”

_“He’s lying.”_

“She just said you’re lying,” I tell him.

“I know it’s hard to believe good things when your brain’s only telling you bad things.” 

I don’t say anything.

“What is this energy?” the doctor asks. “You said you feel energy, special powers.”

“It’s a weird sensation, I don’t know how to explain. Like I feel funny, I taste and smell something at the back of my throat, sometimes I hear music but I can’t really hear it, I can just feel it. It’s energy that needs to be released. But I just can’t...I can’t do it.”

“Does that frustrate you?”

“Yeah. The only way I can even come close to doing it is by playing Neo Fantasy. When I watch my avatar use the magic it’s like I can do it.”

The doctor takes one of his cards from the pencil bin on his desk and writes something on the back. When he hands it to me, I see a phone number. 

“I’d like to refer you to a psychiatrist I know,” he says. “I think she can help you with some of this stuff.”

“So you _do_ think I’m crazy,” I say. “You want me to take _crazy meds_.”

“There’s nothing wrong with taking medication for things that are causing you pain. These problems, you _do_ want to get rid of them?”

“I don’t know…” My powers have always been a part of me. I don’t know who I’d be without them. 

“Just give her a call. If it doesn’t work out, fine, but at least give it a try.”

At least give it a try, that’s what mom and dad said about this guy. And now here we are. 

“And in the meantime,” the doctor says. “I’d like you to try taking a break from the computer games.”

“ _What??”_ I shriek. This is going a little too far.

“The games might hinder your recovery, because they’re so tied into your powers. Find a different outlet, like your music.”

My music...I don’t know. This is going to be way harder than I thought.

~~~

“How was it?” Mom asks in the car. “He didn’t actually let Tomoe in, did he?”

“No, he didn’t. But the walls aren’t entirely soundproof,” Tomoe says. 

“So anyone who walks in the waiting room can hear what I’m saying?!” 

“Oh no. I had my ear by the door.”

“So you heard everything?” I ask Tomoe.

“Well not everything,” she says. “Just that you need crazy pills.”

“Tomoe, that’s not nice,” Mom says. “Is she being serious?” she asks me.

“Yeah,” I tell her. “He wants me to see a psychiatrist.”

“Do _you_ want to?” Mom asks. “If you think it’s something that’ll help you…”

_“You need crazy pills you need crazy pills”_

“Maybe,” I say loudly, to drown her out.

“Really?” Tomoe asks. “You sure you wanna...take meds for the rest of your life?”

_“CRAZY PILLS CRAZY PILLS CRAZY PILLS”_

“I wouldn’t say drastic things like that, Tomoe,” Mom says, thinking I can’t hear. “Besides, it’s no different from taking Ibuprofen when you have a headache, right?”

“I...guess not,” I say. Maybe she’s right. But something about the look on Tomoe’s face makes me think otherwise. I don’t know what to do. 

“Doctor also said Ako shouldn’t play video games,” Tomoe says. “Do you think that’ll be possible, Ako?”

“I dunno,” I say, honestly. 

“It’s worth a try,” says Mom. “I know it’ll be hard, but we can find fun board games or have movie nights to distract you, right?”

“Maybe she shouldn’t hang out with Rinko then,” Tomoe says. 

“Why?” Mom asks.

“Rin-Rin is my best friend,” I say.

“She plays the video games, she could be an _enabler_ ,” Tomoe says, waggling her fingers all scary like. Is that true?

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Mom says. “I think Ako needs her friends _more_ right now.”

“She doesn’t need friends who aren’t helping her,” Tomoe says. “The rest of those girls in Roselia aren’t particularly very nice either.”

“I don’t know, Tomoe,” Mom says. “I think music is good for Ako.”

“You guys really think I can’t hear you talking about me, huh?” I say, more to Mom than Tomoe. 

I never really thought about it before, but Yukina and Sayo aren’t very nice at all. Tomoe says things in a way that just makes sense. Maybe I should listen to her instead of that stupid doctor.


End file.
